Many times in ongoing relationships, the in love phase withers away and we're left with the basic building blocks of a solid (or doomed) relationship. 'Love' is stripped bare of its magical properties and is left lost on a desert floor, surrounded by vultures ready to rip its bleeding, red heart out. Sure, it's easy to stay together during the falling-in-love stages in a relationship. All faults are willingly put aside in favour of the wonder and amazement we feel at being in love and wanting to fall in love. Eating with one's mouth open or passing deadly wind cannot remain cute for ever. The things you were once blind to now fill you with rage. But surely, there are ways to fall back in love with the person you once adored. The magic of the attraction you once felt can only be lurking just round the corner. After all, you still love him. Falling back in love (when cheating, abuse or neglect is not an issue) shouldn't be that hard.
Help get your love relationship back on track
Feed your relationship
The only people we can truly love no matter what they do to us are our children. And even then, this takes a lot of effort. To continue falling in love, stay in contact every day of your lives. You may say that you live together so of course, you're in contact. This is not necessarily the case. Many people are so busy cooking dinner, arguing with their partner, getting the kids off to school etc, that they forget to spare 10 minutes just to spend quality time together. Merely looking at each other, talking about your day or hugging in the kitchen can serve to rekindle some of the physical attachment you've allowed yourself to lose. You want to fall in love and stay in love, stay in contact.
Face up to problems in your relationship
Face the problem. Resentment builds up terribly quickly in relationships. Keeping quiet about the way you feel will only make matters worse. If you feel as though he's been taking you for granted or that he's not taking on his share of the family's responsibilities, you need to tell him so. Building up hatred for the person with whom you were once in love, will get too heavy for you to carry around. Eventually this will lead to the death of the relationship. Sit down and talk about your feelings, or have healthy arguments if you must. You'll find that this not only eases your mind, it'll also alert him to the way you're feeling, and urge him to strive to do better. Make him understand that you don't need him to whisk you away on a midnight flight to Paris. Merely cooking dinner for you and the kids when you're ill instead of going off to the games with his friends as planned, is enough to make you fall back in love with him. Friend relationships are great, but keeping your love on track is even better.
Pay attention to your relationship
Mothers can blank out excessive noise made by their offspring. By the time we've had our second baby, we seem to be able to switch off our hearing at will. This happens after a while with married couples. We hear but don't really listen, in the same way we can love but not be in love. It only takes a couple minutes of your time to stop, look up and actually listen. The reason we got to know him in the first place is because we listened to his stories, listened when he told us about his hobbies, likes, friends etc. People change constantly. If we do not keep up with these changes (by listening) we will soon remove ourselves from the person he's become and the things that are happening in his life. Do you know what your husband is working on at the moment? Who his best friend is? What's his new boss's name? Looking at him makes you listen. Not only this, it keeps you connected to his face, his expressions, his gesticulations; all the things you fell in love with to begin with.
Keep him special
Make sure he always takes up a special place in your heart. Treat him well. Even if you're tired, go out of your way to do something for him. He will reciprocate. Let there be something you always do for him; pack a lunch once a week, make him coffee on Sunday mornings, dry clean his favourite suit, cook his favourite meal on Friday nights. Rather than going all-out on your anniversary because you have to, let the little special things you do regularly show him how much in love you still are. A fire which isn't stoked goes off rather rapidly.
Notice the good in him and the relationship
We're good at noticing the negatives. Build him up by making a special effort to notice the good things he tries to do. This does not only work with kids. It works with us grown-ups too. If someone appreciates the good we do, notice them and says 'thank you', we feel closer and more attached to them than we do the people who don't. People who're appreciative always get more done for them than people who're not. We don't always want to serve people who expect to constantly take without giving of themselves.
Don't be afraid of arguments in the relationship
When we were little we argued with our friends regularly. This did not mean we stopped liking them. In fact, it's because we liked them we bothered to argue instead of just ditching them altogether. People in close physical and emotional relationships have to argue sometimes when the pressure builds up. Spending your life with someone else is no easy feat. We have to make one life work with two people who're different individuals. Don't be afraid that if you argue it means the end of your love or marriage. It doesn't. In arguments, keep one thing in mind; I love this person. If you start from that premise, everything else will fall into place. Arguments can iron out the creases and keep resentment pile-up from happening. Arguments can sweep the build-up of dust gathering in the relationship and clean up issues that both people took for granted but never discussed, while each holding a different view on the matter. Most importantly, love him while you're arguing. Here's an article about healthy arguments in marriage you may like to read.
Taking the time to do these things may look hard (it's not), but everything valuable we've gained so far in life took time and effort. Our friendships, education, qualification, promotions, well-behaved children etc, took a great amount of input on our behalf. Staying in love, falling in love, or falling back in love with our soul-mate is no different. We decide whether or not we're going to stay married even before we are. I spoke to a bride-to-be recently and she told me if it doesn't work out she could always get a divorce. My prediction is that she will eventually be divorced. Staying in love is the key to staying married (when cheating, neglect or abuse is not an issue).
Spend time keeping your love well polished and fresh! Fall in love every day. Subscribe to this blog for more love relationship articles and please do share this post with anyone you think can use it today. I appreciate your time and the share. You may also enjoy our love relationships quotes page here.