Marriage and healthy arguments
No one wants to, or should be abused and shouted at, but sensible adults understand that we cannot be right all the time. Arguments in a relationship, therefore can be one of the many positive elements a marriage needs to develop into a secure and lasting union. Getting involved in healthy arguments can really help couples fall back in love and understand and value how each other thinks. Here are some short tips to help you keep the arguments positive and helpful to your relationship.
Be unsure about the outcome of the argumentThis one takes strength and a deep love for your spouse. Never be pig-headed about your point of view. You know, you may be convinced that he forgot to pay the credit cards on time, which meant you lost your introductory low-interest offer. However, if he's saying he got it in the post just before the postman collected the mail, could it be perhaps that your bank has made a mistake, or the mail got held up for a couple of days? Make an effort to use words like, may, might, perhaps, I think instead of know, will, you did etc. The former phrases are less likely to cause offence when you argue in your relationship, and will show your spouse that you're giving him/her the benefit of the doubt. The only sure thing in an argument should be your love for your partner (without having to say it). If you feel you must fuss at someone, join him to fume over the bank's policies or the post office's negligence - you two, against 'them'.
Involvement in the argumentHe was late in picking up the kids yet again, which meant you got a call from the school in the middle of your meeting. The temptation to make a nasty, accusing phone call is strong, but this would only culminate in a massive row when you get home later in the evening. Instead of pointing the finger, 'how could you do that?' You could instead say you've forgotten very important things in the past too (we all have). You could say that 'we' have to come up with a plan to ensure this never happens again. Involving yourself in the problem makes him feel less idiotic. Remember no one will have to make him feel bad about being late in picking up his own kids. He's already doing a good job of that all by himself. Knowing how to argue is winning already.
No disrespect when you argueYour spouse is a grown adult. Be gracious and do not, under any circumstance, treat him/her like a child. Rolling your eyes, tutting, and walking off during an argument are all very disrespectful to the person you're meant to love. These actions are cold and contemptuous, and indicate you've lost your respect for your mate. These actions also do not give them the chance to express their side of the story.
On the flip side, if your partner is in the habit of saying, 'Okay, okay' and holding their hands in the air in resignation even before you talk about something bothering you, tell them you need to talk about it. They owe you a few minutes of time to air your frustration. Some people try to stop you from going any further when you want to 'get it off your chest'. Talking and arguing in your relationship is healthy. So is learning how to say no. Don't be blackmailed into bottling up your feelings just because your spouse has lost interest in keeping a healthy balance in your relationship. Remember, though, talk this through instead of forcing the issue on him/her.
Counterbalance in an argumentYou're great at ironing the kids uniforms, they always look so well turned out, but I wish you didn't put three or four seems in my trousers. OR You're rubbish when it comes to ironing. Needless, to say, the first one will sit better with any sane adult. The second will start an argument. Avoid starting arguments in the first place, by counterbalancing the negatives (and there will be many) with something positive. Two positives will ideally, cushion one negative. If there isn't a positive at that particular time, it's always best not to make sweeping statements about your partner's abilities. If he/she did a terrible job at washing up, just ask that the dirty dishes be washed again and politely say why. Saying the job was terribly done is obviously disrespectful. Disrespect is the underlying element that causes arguments in relationships to blow out of proportion. Some bad things can make good relationships, but disrespect is not one of them.
The magic words to end all arguments in relationshipsYou win! Is it really so bad to let your partner win? What's the worst that can happen, really? Okay, you're right! I was being over sensitive. Watch his/her mouth hang open as he/she try to shake the shock from between their ears. The only condition is, mean it. Try this sometimes when the argument is really not worth the time. Give up in the name of peace.
How do you maintain healthy arguments within your relationship? Please share your tips in the comment box below. Remember, if you enjoyed this article, please share it on your favourite networking site. Thank you.
You'll enjoy the other love relationship articles on our Love Relationship Quotes page.