Marriage And Healthy Arguments

Some people tend to shy away from arguments in their marriage. They claim to be the peace-keeper and this means keeping quiet about things that really annoy them. This of course, is setting off a time bomb which is potentially counting down to the end of the union. If you don't know how to argue in a relationship, I'm sure these points below will change that today.


Marriage and healthy arguments

No one wants to, or should be abused and shouted at, but sensible adults understand that we cannot be right all the time. Arguments in a relationship, therefore can be one of the many positive elements a marriage needs to develop into a secure and lasting union. Getting involved in healthy arguments can really help couples fall back in love and understand and value how each other thinks. Here are some short tips to help you keep the arguments positive and helpful to your relationship.

Be unsure about the outcome of the argument

This one takes strength and a deep love for your spouse. Never be pig-headed about your point of view. You know, you may be convinced that he forgot to pay the credit cards on time, which meant you lost your introductory low-interest offer. However, if he's saying he got it in the post just before the postman collected the mail, could it be perhaps that your bank has made a mistake, or the mail got held up for a couple of days? Make an effort to use words like, may, might, perhaps, I think instead of know, will, you did etc. The former phrases are less likely to cause offence when you argue in your relationship, and will show your spouse that you're giving him/her the benefit of the doubt. The only sure thing in an argument should be your love for your partner (without having to say it). If you feel you must fuss at someone, join him to fume over the bank's policies or the post office's negligence - you two, against 'them'.

Involvement in the argument

He was late in picking up the kids yet again, which meant you got a call from the school in the middle of your meeting. The temptation to make a nasty, accusing phone call is strong, but this would only culminate in a massive row when you get home later in the evening. Instead of pointing the finger, 'how could you do that?' You could instead say you've forgotten very important things in the past too (we all have). You could say that 'we' have to come up with a plan to ensure this never happens again. Involving yourself in the problem makes him feel less idiotic. Remember no one will have to make him feel bad about being late in picking up his own kids. He's already doing a good job of that all by himself. Knowing how to argue is winning already.

No disrespect when you argue

Your spouse is a grown adult. Be gracious and do not, under any circumstance, treat him/her like a child. Rolling your eyes, tutting, and walking off during an argument are all very disrespectful to the person you're meant to love. These actions are cold and contemptuous, and indicate you've lost your respect for your mate. These actions also do not give them the chance to express their side of the story.
On the flip side, if your partner is in the habit of saying, 'Okay, okay' and holding their hands in the air in resignation even before you talk about something bothering you, tell them you need to talk about it. They owe you a few minutes of time to air your frustration. Some people try to stop you from going any further when you want to 'get it off your chest'. Talking and arguing in your relationship is healthy. So is learning how to say no. Don't be blackmailed into bottling up your feelings just because your spouse has lost interest in keeping a healthy balance in your relationship. Remember, though, talk this through instead of forcing the issue on him/her.

Counterbalance in an argument

You're great at ironing the kids uniforms, they always look so well turned out, but I wish you didn't put three or four seems in my trousers. OR You're rubbish when it comes to ironing. Needless, to say, the first one will sit better with any sane adult. The second will start an argument. Avoid starting arguments in the first place, by counterbalancing the negatives (and there will be many) with something positive. Two positives will ideally, cushion one negative. If there isn't a positive at that particular time, it's always best not to make sweeping statements about your partner's abilities. If he/she did a terrible job at washing up, just ask that the dirty dishes be washed again and politely say why. Saying the job was terribly done is obviously disrespectful. Disrespect  is the underlying element that causes arguments in relationships to blow out of proportion. Some bad things can make good relationships, but disrespect is not one of them.

The magic words to end all arguments in relationships

You win! Is it really so bad to let your partner win? What's the worst that can happen, really? Okay, you're right! I was being over sensitive. Watch his/her mouth hang open as he/she try to shake the shock from between their ears. The only condition is, mean it. Try this sometimes when the argument is really not worth the time. Give up in the name of peace.

How do you maintain healthy arguments within your relationship? Please share your tips in the comment box below. Remember, if you enjoyed this article, please share it on your favourite networking site. Thank you.
You'll enjoy the other love relationship articles on our Love Relationship Quotes page.


~✿~Icy BC April 19, 2011 at 12:21 AM  

You always have such excellent advice, Anne! I've only married once, and I swept everything under the rug because I know if I argue with him, I would go crazy and rip my hair out..He had and still has a way of talking that would not be considered normal..

♥~Judy~♥ April 19, 2011 at 1:15 AM  

Some wonderful advice here, Anne. Wish this would work on mine. Some people only believe there is one point of view, their own.

myletterstoemily April 19, 2011 at 3:24 AM  

you are very right! it's important to be
willing to argue but to do it respectfully.

Anne Lyken-Garner April 19, 2011 at 11:08 AM  

Thanks for all your kind comments, girls. It takes two, so unfortunately if one person is unwilling to argue (respectfully) there can be a lot of problems in the relationship.

DoanLegacy April 20, 2011 at 5:22 PM  

I need to learn the art of arguing, and you have provided some great tips!

Self Sagacity May 16, 2011 at 8:58 PM  

I will have to come back, but is there such a thing as healthy arguments? Of course...
I am in agreement with you dear Anne.

Anne Lyken-Garner March 24, 2012 at 8:51 PM  

Yes, there is, Amanda. :-) Here's to us having more of them.

Anne Lyken-Garner is a published author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here.
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