3 Bad Things That Make Good Relationships

There are several essential things for good relationships. This relationship blog has a vast amount of articles dealing with love, marriage and even family relationships. However, today we'll talk about 3 things given a bad press, which can actually be good for relationships. We'll see that not all so-called negative things are necessarily bad for your relationship.


Spending time apart creates good relationships
It's your differences (as much as your similarities) that keep you attracted to each other in your marriage. Your spouse may be your best friend, but they rarely - if at all - fulfil your frivolous, girlie, chatty, sporty etc, side like your same-gender friends do. I talk with my sister and my friends about things I'd never think of saying to my husband. We love each other, but he's not a girl - nor am I a boy. He can run around on the football pitch grunting, shoving, elbowing and shouting at his team mates. He loves this, but I can't fulfil this side of him. I'm not even prepared to try. Yeah, I don't like sweating very much.

Being away from each other also strengthens our relationships because they reinforce our dependence upon each other . We only truly miss someone when they're away. We miss the way they make us feel and the things they do for us (and we, for them). You can't talk to each other about each other. Many times you only truly appreciate how blessed you are to be married to that person when you're talking about his/her virtues behind their back. 

Jealousy creates good relationships
Of course, jealousy is rotten and evil. It leads to strife, unhappiness, and sometimes even murder. We all know that, so I'm not going to preach to you. I'm talking about a healthy amount of jealousy. For example, how would you feel if you told your spouse you were going to visit your ex, who you've just found on Facebook and all he said was, 'Okay. That's fine.' If the tables were turned and you still cared about him, wouldn't you want to know where, when, why? Wouldn't you ask why this visit does not include you if it's all so innocent? Wouldn't you want to know how long they've been chatting innocently on Facebook?

A little (healthy) jealousy always reminds the person how much they're loved and needed, and how desperately, passionately their other half craves for them in their life. Who wouldn't want to be felt for in this way? A lot of jealousy will obviously lead to one person walking out or worse, but a healthy amount keeps the relationship good, alive, fresh and brings back some of that old, familiar feeling of the dating period.

Being boring creates good relationships
Before I say this, I want you to imagine for a second, the bliss you feel when you return home from holiday. You don't feel regret. You feel contented, happy, relieved and safe. The first thing you do when you return home from holiday and put down your bags is breathe a huge sigh of relief. (Or if you're British, put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea).
You may say the reason you're 'returning' home is because you've 'been away' in the first place. This is correct. It's important to de-stress and go away on holiday. The change does us good. Equally though, the feeling we get when we return to normalcy shows us that routine is tantamount to our well-being, our lives, our  happiness and ultimately, our good relationships.

Having a routine makes children feel safe, and for marriages, a routine makes us feel rooted and secure with each other. Security is very important for the well-being of a marriage. The Friday curry and a nice snuggle in front of the TV is as important to a marriage as having a sensible budget. They both keep us safe and grounded.  So the next time you think you're boring, spare a thought for the poor spinster who's joining every club/library/museum/salsa group etc, she's heard of, just to finally meet the man of her dreams.

Do you know any other bad things that are good for relationships? What is a good relationship in your book and how can a marriage last if it wasn't for some of these so-called taboos existing in them? Find more love relationship help articles on our love quotes page.


Jaime Foutty | FlatKnees and Fotography September 28, 2011 at 5:42 PM  

When I first read the last item (boring) I wasn't sure I agreed. But you're definition differs from my initial reaction, so I'm on board with all of your "bad things." :-) A routine doesn't have to be boring. Routines are good for relationships, heck they are just good for life period, in my opinion!

Just stumbled over here from another blog, thank you, nice site!

myletterstoemily September 30, 2011 at 3:40 PM  

brilliant! i enjoy all three elements and heartily
agree. i wold add that variety is the spice, don't
want to get too boring.

Icy BC September 30, 2011 at 5:08 PM  

Beautifully written, and I love all your three perspectives, which are true in real life. These are deep realizations that make a great relationship.

Self Sagacity October 9, 2011 at 10:37 AM  

I like your perspective on this post today. No one would have written it, at least I ave not seen one yet, but "boring" is good for the relationship in many ways than one. It allows you to understand and guess what you are up against...

Anne Lyken-Garner is a published author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here.
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