Falling In And Out Of Love

a true love in hand is worth more than...
You spend ages wanting to fall in love. You look at happy couples when you're single and yearn to experience the closeness and happiness they do in their relationship. You walk with your head bent and fascinate about all the sweetness life would bring you when you finally fall in love and have a relationship of your own. Then it happens! You fall in love. You can't believe how contented your live has become, how intense the friendship, how sweet the relationship. You spend lots of time together, you fall in love some more, then you get married. The only hiccough is - you treat your marriage as the end instead of the beginning.

The bus service in our village is pretty dire (I do have a point to all this). If you're in the city centre and miss the bus home by a few minutes, you have to wait another hour to catch the next one. When the buses arrive, they're always late and the drivers take pleasure in scooting away when they see you in their rear view mirror, running breathlessly to catch the bus. To make matters worse, the buses don't even come all the way to the village. They stop about 8 minutes away, leaving you to walk the rest of the way home - with your shopping bags.

A friend of mine went into the city centre to do some shopping, and imagine his delight when he stepped out of the last shop and noticed the bus pull up to its stop about 100 yards down the road. He raced after it, jumped on, ran upstairs (they're double-decker buses) and slouched down into the front seat, thinking how lucky he'd been. His wife was at home with the young kids, waiting until he returned, so that she could go out with some friends.
When he got home, it wasn't until his wife asked him for the car keys, that he remembered he'd driven into town - yes, in the car! The excitement of seeing the bus, something scarce and mostly out-of-reach, made him forget he'd taken the trusted-but-familiar car into town.

When you fall in love do all you can to stay in love.  Falling in love is just the beginning. You haven't fallen out of love just because love begins to  feels well-worn, 'normal' and 'familiar'. The Falling in love stage, relatively speaking, is only fleeting. Don't let the absence of 'excitement' con you into thinking you're no longer in love. Find your spark again, and like the guy with the bus, remember that the initial excitement of having something out-of-reach will soon wear off when you consider your tried-and-tested, sound and familiar companion right beside you.

Don't go off looking for what you've already got.

Do you sometimes feel (now or in the past) like your relationship is/was becoming stale?
What do you advice to spice up a relationship of this sort? Find other relationship help articles on our love quotes page

This post is linked to Thursday Two questions over at Self Sagacity.


SquirrelQueen September 8, 2011 at 8:11 PM  

The story about the bus is very funny.

A long term relationship or marriage is going to have highs and lows. The comfortable or familiar feeling is not a bad thing to me, it is a nice feeling. But there does need to be a little spice too.

My advice would be to get out of the rut once in awhile. Plan a spontaneous vacation or even a date night.

PS, Anne your link on today's TTQ's is to an old post not this one.

Dominique @Dominique's Desk September 9, 2011 at 8:22 AM  

Relationships are of up and down and it does take an effort to keep the spark alight. For us we do try to take time to spend time as a couple out of our hectic schedule... I guess that really helps a lot.

Keats The Sunshine Girl September 9, 2011 at 3:03 PM  

Doing things together on a regular basis helps both to keep in touch and understand the needs of each other.

Anne Lyken-Garner September 9, 2011 at 3:26 PM  

Judy, going out definitely is in my top 5. Like you said, just going out for a surprise dinner can do the trick. Thanks for the heads-up about the link.

Anne Lyken-Garner September 9, 2011 at 3:27 PM  

Dominique, I also think that any time spent talking and just really sitting together, drinking coffee and eating biscuits, is quality time.
You have to maintain friendships in the same way. You can't allow yourself to fall out of touch with each other.

Anne Lyken-Garner September 9, 2011 at 3:29 PM  

K. Couples could also plan on a monthly schedule where they drop everything else and do one particular event. Going to the cinema, going for a walk, cycling etc, are all activities couples can enjoy with a little planning.

Self Sagacity September 9, 2011 at 6:07 PM  

Anne, first I just wanted to tell you that you linked up an old post. I clicked on your home page to visit the rest of your blog and found out there is this new post for TTQ. I have changed the link to this post and also left a comment to the old post.
You don't have to publish this.

Self Sagacity September 9, 2011 at 6:14 PM  

This is something I struggle with all the time. I do feel like a used tire, a sibling living in the same household with SO. I get excited when he comes home, but it is because I am hoping that he can take over the look after of Trinity so that I can have a moment of peace to myself.
I try to do things with him alone, but I am tire of being the one to come up with ideas. I guess I like being chased better. There are so many invitations for me and I have thought about just going to realize how much responsibility I have that I shouldn't, it usually wakes me up to the things I do have and adore. However, I have also grown out of that tactic, and no longer wish to put myself through the misery to find the contentment again. So now, I BLOG / write. hehe

Anne Lyken-Garner is a published author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here.
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