up is hard to do. Many people try to avoid the pain of that sudden break by
promising to stay friends with your ex and trying to maintain some connection. Others may
lament the loss of someone who meant so much at one time and try to adapt that
relationship by forming a lasting friendship after the break up. However, maintaining a friendship
with someone for whom you once had such strong feelings can be harder than
breaking up. If you want to stay friends with an ex, there are several things
you will need to do:
How to be friends with an ex
staying friends with your ex can be very difficult
To be friends with an ex, consider why you want to be friends
by evaluating your motivations. Why do you want to stay friends with your ex?
Perhaps you have unresolved guilt about how you behaved as a partner and you
want to make amends. Maybe you were the one who ended the relationship and you
want to soften the blow by continuing some type of contact. If these are
the kinds of reasons motivating you to pursue the friendship, then you should
make a clean break. Friendships founded on these reasons will not last, and the
end of the relationship will be harder than the break up. For friendship help and advice click on the link.
To stay friends with your ex you must keep it 'friendly'
you still have any unresolved feelings for your ex - or your ex for you - then your friendship will not be able to move forward. You will simply be
prolonging your breakup and holding each other back from moving on. Make sure
you've given both of you time to let your romantic feelings go, then focus on
keeping the relationship platonic. Don't continue to have romantic relations,
and don't engage in romantic behavior like flirting or discussing your feelings
for one another.
To be friends with an ex, redefine the relationship
is easy to fall into old patterns. If you're going to be friends with your ex,
you have to redefine the relationship. You can't expect to have the same
rights, such as knowing the other's whereabouts, or being present at functions
with family or friends, or expecting the other person to perform certain
favors. You may not be able to talk about some of the things you used to talk
about, as you may not enjoy the same level of intimacy. Understanding that a
friendship will impose more emotional distance than a romantic relationship
will help you to create a new, successful relationship.
To be friends with an ex, don't rehash the past
have broken up, and the past is behind you. Don't use your new friendship as an
opportunity to continue to work out past grievances, or even to reminisce about
fond memories. Don't spend time talking about things that happened while you
were a couple, bringing up past complaints, or trying to work out your lingering
anger over past problems. If these issues are not resolved enough to move past
them, you aren't ready to establish a friendship.
To be friends with an ex, be prepared to face a new romance
you should be prepared to accept the fact that your new "friend" will
eventually start dating someone else, and will one day fall in love with someone else. Accept that you will at some time have to (at least) have a superficial conversation about your former love interest's new
love interest. You don't have to be your new friend's confidante and offer love
advice, but you should be able to have casual conversation about the new
Conclusion: how to be friends with an ex
to become friends with an ex will take some time. You have to give yourself
enough distance to get over your former romantic feelings and to move past the
problems that caused your break up in the first place. Once you have done that,
you should be prepared to redefine the relationship on platonic terms. With
time and effort, you could find a satisfying friendship to replace the once
happy relationship you shared.
Amanda Tradwick is a grant researcher
and writer for CollegeGrants.org. She has a Bachelor's degrees from the
University of Delaware, and has recently finished research on college grants and student
grants for adults.