Find Time For Dates Between Classes & Extracurriculars

The structure of college life makes it easier to hang out or hook up than to find a serious romantic partner. Yet, 83 percent of women hope to be married in the future and 63 percent want to meet their future mate in college, according to a study done by the Independent Women's Forum.

Male and female students juggling school work, part-time jobs, sports teams, community service and socializing are hard-pressed to make standing Friday night commitments with a date. If you're interested in getting past the hookup stage and forming a real relationship, learn how to identify potential mates and how to make real relationships work.

Classifying Your Mate

That cutie from your psych class asked if you could study together for the upcoming test. When your study date arrives, he doesn't show any interest in your personal life, where you're from or what you do. It's all business until you're through studying. It's late, and he asks whether you want to see his room. The stage is set for a hook-up and if you're hoping to transform his affections to a relationship, you're deluding yourself. Someone who is interested in dating will show interest in you by asking questions about yourself and will want to hangout outside of bedroom hours.

Now, that guy from your history class who caught your basketball game, complimented you on your moves and wants to know if you can study together has much more relationship potential, because he is trying to get to know you. If he brings snacks to your study date and asks personal questions, he might just be a keeper.
As a student, your best bet is to date other students. That cute server at your restaurant job won't be free Monday afternoon when you're free and may not understand when you blow off a planned date for group work.

Getting Serious

You've seen your study-date partner a few times, and while you haven't defined the relationship yet, he's taken you to dinner off campus and brought you a gift of Christmas flowers. You've given him an ironic tee as a birthday present and introduced him to your besties. For the relationship to succeed, both of you will need to make time for each other, but also be understanding of each other's commitments. When you need to travel for basketball games or he needs to prep for student teaching, you'll have less time to hang out. If he complains about this, he isn't respecting your commitments.

Signs it's Time to Call it Quits

You met in history class, and now it feels like that's all you have in common. He likes Shakespeare and wants to teach high school English; you like politics and want to work in government. When your so-called relationship becomes a place to complain about school and do homework together, it's basically a friendship without physical affection. Likewise, if you see him once every couple weeks because it's the best you can do, neither one of you is prioritizing the relationship and it will naturally fade out.

If you're in university, how do you find time to date? How do you make sure you prioritise your studies over dating, but at the same time, give yourself the freedom to enjoy the company of your peers? If you've worked out a balanced formula please share this with us. 

Please also share this article on your social networking sites. You can find more relationship posts on this page

Jeremy is a college professor from California who specializes in creative writing.

3 comments:

Harleena Singh September 30, 2013 at 2:46 AM  

Hi Anne,

It's not easy for anyone to find time, but if you really want something bad enough, you just need to create the time for it, isn't it? Same is the case with dating.

If you are in a University or studying for higher education, you need to strike a balance where neither your work, nor your date suffers, or perhaps take on one when you are through with the other. We had many friends who used to study while they did, and later, perhaps on weekends, be with their dates. I guess both sides understand this works best for them too.

Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead :)

Anne Lyken-Garner October 1, 2013 at 9:02 AM  

Thanks for stopping by, Harleena. I appreciate your input. Yes, once both sides understand what they're getting into, it will work out. I suppose that's why students are better off dating other students.

Jeremy Norton October 10, 2013 at 2:05 PM  

When I was in college, I didn't actually had serious relationships. I just can't find time then due to busy schedule, but I do hangout with a group of friends. I just didn't committed myself in a single person because I was too scared that I cannot give him enough time he deserves.

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Anne Lyken-Garner is a published author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here.
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