Do you have experience with dating hiatus? Okay, let me start out by telling ya’ll that I am not a naturally social person. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people, but I am just the loner type. I am fine by myself and that is a good thing. However, this makes it super hard to find ‘the man of my dreams’. After all, how many wallflowers 'slash' hermits are out and about enough to even meet decent guys?
~ A guest post by Rachel Thomas
I’ll give you a little background to my story. When I was in high school I had one boyfriend who lasted all of six months. Frankly, I only went out with him because he was the first guy to have the guts to ask me out. I broke it off after six months of sporadic dating and for the fact that every time we went out I got sick-to-my-stomach nervous. I figured I was just not ready to date, which was fine.
A couple of years after graduation I kind of fell into pseudo dating with a teacher. He was only four years older than me and I had a bit of a crush on him, so when he invited me out to dinner I thought I’d hit the jackpot. Unfortunately it was a case of the more you know… Needless to say he turned into a big jerk and I backed out of that one fast.
Fed up with all of it I decided that I was going to screen my dates better from now on. I took a long break from dating altogether, due to a combination of family issues and trying to find out who I was and what I was really looking for.
Trying to get back into the dating thing was easier said than done. Where I worked wasn’t the best place to look for a suitable match, especially since it was only a temporary job on my way up to bigger and better things. Between school and work I didn’t have time to get involved in a lot of activities, and the bar scene is definitely not my thing. So I eventually turned to online dating.
I liked the fact that I could control when and how we interacted. If a guy messaged me and I didn’t like his profile I could give him a polite brush-off without guilt. If I liked the profile I didn’t have to jump into things right away. I could talk and get to know him first. I mean, even a profile is better than a two minute conversation.
I could also make it really clear who I was. Because I am so non-social many people took that as being rude or uppity or shy. The ability to show who I was before being judged meant that I actually got guys who would be interested in the real me.
After several failed attempts I was about to give up. I mean, even after writing to possible matches you couldn’t factor in things like attraction and compatibility. One guy I met would have made a great friend. Another talked over you and interrupted all the time (grr). Yet another, was perfectly nice but there was just nothing there.
After leaving my profile up but never really looking anymore I got a message from this random guy. He didn’t live in my town so he hadn’t come up in my searches. I’m afraid I was a little short with him, although his profile was promising. He didn’t give up and continued to message me. Eventually I decided to give him a chance, even though I thought he was a know-it-all.
We met at a restaurant (he worked in my town a couple times a week) and as soon as I saw him I was struck by him. Since I had never really experienced attraction before, I had no idea what I was feeling. I just knew that it was easy to be around him, the conversation flowed effortlessly and although it was far later than I usually stayed out, I never wanted to leave.
A couple of years down the road and we have been inseparable. If I had known who was waiting for me I wouldn’t have wasted my time with anyone else. Although I am a little older than I had hoped to be when love happened, I am ecstatic to say I have found the love of my life. And he was definitely worth the wait!
I wanted to share my story to give women hope. Don’t lower your standards and don’t settle. Your Mr. Right will not be perfect, but if he is the right one for you than he is worth the dating hiatus.
Rachel is an ex-babysitting pro as well as a professional writer and blogger. She is a graduate from Iowa State University and currently writes for www.babysitting.net. She welcomes questions/comments which can be sent to rachelthomas.author @ gmail.com.
Anne Lyken-Garner is a published author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here.