Why Women Cheat

The Internet is drowning in news about the infidelity of football players, Ashley Cole and John Terry, and golf star, Tiger Woods. Almost everyone you talk to has got an opinion of why these man put their happy families in jeopardy and went out carelessly looking for quick flings. Of course, what they've done is painful and disrespectful to everyone involved, but they couldn't have done it without more than a little help from the fairer sex. These women they've been with must have partners too, partners they're also cheating on. It's time for the Relationship Supermarket to take some of the focus off unfaithful men and look at a few reasons (in no particular order) why women cheat.

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They think they can get away with it
After years of answering questions on my '10 Sure Ways To Get Over Him' column, I've realised that some women are tempted to have affairs just because they think/know they can get away with it. Sometimes men become so grated down by constant professional, personal or medical knock-backs in their lives, they lose all their self-confidence and drive to succeed. This inevitably affects the way they view themselves and they lose the healthy amount of ego a person needs to feel attractive and wanted. 


A woman who's spent years with a man knows when this has happened. If she lacks the morality to respect her vows and responsibility as a spouse she will  take advantage of the fact that a man in that state of mind will overlook an affair. Even if he did find out about it, he will lack the motivation to leave the relationship and will prefer to 'forgive' her rather than lose her. He believes he cannot and will not be able to do any better than her.


Boredom
After years of marriage when people get so settled into their lives, it's easy to start passing each other off as flesh furniture. Both parties may have their own careers, and the home and family have both fallen into secure, safe routines. 


The woman feels that her husband isn't making efforts to woo her any more. However, she doesn't take the initiative to suggest they dig up their old spark again. Life has become comfortable, the kids are growing up and don't need her any more. The family has a good, secure life and lifestyle and both parties still love each other but have forgotten how to show it. This woman is in her late 30s - early 40s and feels that her youth is escaping from her with every breath she takes. Boredom with her situation sets in and she starts to think of ways to make her life more interesting and challenging in a crazed, Desperate Housewives dive for freedom. One of the ways she may choose to regain what she may think of as 'excitement' is to have an affair. She may think that a little fling won't hurt anyone, but of course we know this is far from the truth.


Not being physically satisfied in marriage
Many women stand by their husbands when medical problems prevent him from satisfying her physically. A large amount of women decide to live in marriages without any physical contact whatsoever, and even after they realise their husbands are cheating on them. Other women think differently and decide that if they're not getting what they want inside the marriage, they'll look for it outside. Of course, there is no reason for a woman (or man) to be unfaithful to their spouse. However, a sexless marriage is regularly cited by women to justify why they cheat. As it's difficult for most women to separate romance and physical attachments, this situation soon becomes impossible to keep under control.


Not loving their husband any more
People do fall out of love with each other. Some, after a few years, others, after many years and baggage in a relationship. Women who cheat because they've fallen out of love with their husbands usually stay in the marriage for various other reasons. Their romantic and physical interests are diverted elsewhere and while they can carry on playing the devoted mother and partner, their heart is being pulled in a different direction. 


Sometimes it's only after they've lost the security of their home and marriage that they realise love is not only about squishy feelings. It's also about being loyal, committed, and sacrificing sometimes things we want with all our hearts for the well-being of the other person. Many times love is misunderstood for the flutter in our stomach when we think about the object of our affections. That aspect of love only lasts for a short while. In order to maintain love in a true partnership, we have to focus on the other factors that brought us together in the first place because these are the very factors which will hold us together in the long run.


Ego
Sometimes it's years of being torn down by their husbands that makes a woman lose her charm and self-confidence. Sometimes it's just life, having kids, gaining weight, or growing older. Whatever the cause, some women get their 'Sex And The City' wiggle on, in a bid to prove they've still 'got it.'  


When the opportunity presents itself to a woman who thinks that she'll be elevated by having a younger, more successful man, she will take it. Vanity and unhealthy egos cause this woman to think that just because a fit, attractive man flirts with her, he wants her. She will grab every opportunity to 'prove' to herself that she's needed, wanted, young and attractive (regardless of if this is true or not) even if it means cheating on her husband to prove this to herself. A disturbed mind like this will never be content with her husband's efforts to make her happy. Her head will be turned by any one she thinks shows a bit of interest. 


Lack of self-respect
In complete opposition to the woman above, a woman who's badly treated in her marriage may look for validation in the arms of another man. She may be the victim of the male version of the above woman, and may be so down-trodden, she falls into the trap of another man who shows her a measure of care and respect. She may not love him or even care for him, but the fact that he treats her well quenches her desire to feel special after years of emotional abuse.


Whatever the excuse for cheating, women know that being unfaithful can never be justified. When we talk of men cheating on their wives and bringing disgrace to their sport/life/family etc, we always have to remember that behind closed doors, there was a woman enabling him to cheat, and doing it of her own free will. 


Cheating - man or woman - is wrong and it hurts.  Do you think woman have been on easy street where cheating is concerned?