Friendship Fails You Never Knew You Were Guilty Of

Being a good friend has a lot to do with how we read the other person's silent thoughts. Friends love for us to share our lives with them, but it takes a thoughtful friend and a wise person to keep some things hidden too. Has someone suddenly 'unfriended' you or no longer seem to find the time for a cup of coffee? You may have committed one of the following friendship fails without being aware of it.

photo credit

Friendship fail 1. Boasting about your kids


Look, we are all proud of our offspring. That little certificate they brought home from school may have been one of ten shared out in their class but in your mind, your little tyke deserved it more than any of their classmates. You know it's true!
Keep this kind of boasting in check. This can come across as your flimsy attempt to hide the fact you're boasting of how good a parent you are. Your friend's kids may be going through difficult times at school. They may not be as grounded or as brilliant as yours. Remember your friend may be fighting with doubts about her own parenting. It's no fault of hers that her son isn't book smart. He may be great at singing, skateboarding or art, but your boasting can put her on the spot. Instead of going on about your kids, find out what your friends' children are good at and talk to her about their achievements. Wait until you're asked about your children's successes before you blurt them all out to your friends.

Friendship fail 2. Chattering non-stop about your baby


This is a big one. As soon as we've had a baby, it seems as though we want to convert the world and his mules into parents. Many women have infertility problems which they keep locked in their hearts. They feel less of a woman because they can't get pregnant (even though this is not true). A few women even say they're not ready for kids or are not sure they want kids yet, while burning up inside with one desire only - to have a baby. One of my friends was like that for years. She convinced herself she didn't want kids because she had to keep up the charade to everyone who asked, 'When are you going to?'

This is a very touchy subject, and one which is advisable to keep far away from unless the subject is raised by the other party. If you've just had your baby, you should be proud to show them off. It's your right. Never, however, allow your baby talk to become all you say to your childless friend. She won't be friends with you for long because she'll see your constant chat about your prowess at giving birth as a direct attack on her inability to even conceive. This is not the case, but to a woman desperate to have a child, this makes perfect sense in her mind. Be a good friend and think of her needs.

Friendship fail 3. Brandishing your weight loss in her face


So your friend watches what she eats and spends her entire life on yo-yo dieting. You've managed to lose some weight and you're suddenly getting all the attention. The last thing you want to press on your friend is the virtues of weight loss. She would've noticed the change in you. If she was interested to walk the same path, she would've asked you about it already. Let her know you're there for her, but don't start preaching to her about her weight. She knows as well as you do that she's overweight. Making hints or presenting her with  weight loss books is taking it a step too far.  Whatever you do, don't count her calories when you go out to dinner. If you must count yours, do it without opening your gob. 
Keep in mind that her friend (you) have just gone and made her look fat and ugly by becoming gorgeous. You've climbed out from a rut that she's long since been fighting to get out of. You can understand a little jealously on her part, can't you. Give her tips only if she asks and make an effort to continue being the person you were before you changed your body.

Friendship fail 4. All you talk about is your new date


In the best of times, talking non-stop about your new boyfriend is a no-no for friendship harmony. In this case, your friend hasn't had a date in ages, yet you call her just to talk about your new boyfriend. Listen, she's not interested! Many women still measure their femininity and attractiveness by how datable they are. Shoving your 'success' of reeling in a mate is in fact saying to a long-time single woman (who hasn't chosen to be single) that she's ugly and a failure. Of course, you won't say this to a friend. However, if she's lacking in self-esteem, this is exactly what she'll be thinking. Don't for the life of you or her, say, 'This is what I think you should do to get a date'.
No one wants to put themselves through torture. And this is what your constant chat about your perfect boyfriend feels like to your friend. Naturally, she'll want to avoid the hurt at all costs and will begin seeing you less and less. Apart from this, your aim as her friend is to support, not isolate her. Talk about your new love only if asked. She will ask out of courtesy and loyalty to you, but your job is to read her silent thoughts and spare her the romance tales.

Friendship fail 5. You're divorcing and you want her to take sides


Shame on you if you're even considering this. It's bad enough for your friend that she is losing your husband as a friend. She has had to put up with years of complaining about your less-than-perfect marriage. She's not throwing around blame, she's just trying her hardest to support both you and him at the same time. This is not an easy task. Give her a break and don't expect her to suddenly cut all ties with someone she's known and liked for years.
If you're on the other side of a friend going through a divorce, be careful not to throw blame on her husband. He's the man she fell in love with and chose to marry for better or worse. Someday they may get back together and she'll hate you for all thing bad things you said about him (I've learned this the hard way).  On the flip side of this, don't defend his actions (this is truly a tightrope situation, isn't it). Support her the best way you can and try to calmly steer the discussions to more pleasant things. Offer a shoulder to cry on and be there to pick up the pieces. You're her friend, not her solicitor. Never, ever say, 'I knew you two would never make it. I told you so'.

How have you fared with these friendship fails? Are you or have you been guilty of any of them? How did you  (and your friend) deal with it and did you manage to put the failure aside and become stronger for it? Fess up below. You know you'll feel better for it.

If you liked this post, please share it at any one of the social networking links below. Thank you.

Share |

How To Get Your Dream Mate To Notice You

photo credit

Sometimes the older we grow, the harder it gets to meet the right person. I think this may be because our ‘ideal partner’ list has had time to get longer and more unrealistic. So much time is spent these days on online dating that people have almost forgotten how to be honest about themselves when they come face to face on a date with an actual person. Here are some tips to get you back in the game.


Do
You have your eyes on someone and would like to get them to notice you. Instead of concentrating your energies into getting them, use that time and energy to make them want you instead. Remember that if you think they're so fabulous, chances are other people do too. Your job is not to join the pack and vie for their attention, but to concentrate on making yourself the person that stands out from all the rest of suitors.


Do keep an air of mystery. Don't let it all fly out the first time you meet someone you think you may be interested in. This bores them. Let them want to meet you again to find out more. Let them have questions about who you are and what you do, to wonder about you when they're at work, in the park, at the gym. Let them feel a smile coming on when they think about finding out more and more about you.


Invest in yourself. When all is said and done, even if you don't succeed in finding a good relationship your investment stays with you and you lose nothing. Learn a new language, take up an interesting game, join a gym, volunteer at a centre, go back to school etc. All of these things make you more attractive and valuable to the opposite sex when it comes to real relationships.


Do keep an open mind. Your (dream) good-looking, intelligent, popular, ideal person may only be sensible and average looking in reality. However, if your mind is locked on false notions of grandeur and lavish excitement, you're in danger of letting your soul-mate and parent of your future children slip out of your hands. And while you're scouring the earth in futility ten years from now, he/she would be making someone else happy instead of you.


Don't
Don't look for your prospective partner at a club, pub, bar. The kind of person you'll meet here is the kind of person looking for part-time relationships. No one looking for a potential spouse/partner intends to find them there. These places may be okay for fostering relationships, but is it the kind of relationship you're now looking for?


Don't think that everyone you meet is a potential long-time partner. No one wants to feel as if they're being pegged down at their first encounter with someone. Everyone wants to experience the freshness of 'will it, won't it?' with their dates, and likes to put in the effort it takes to build up a serious, romantic relationship.


Don't ask them to reveal too much about themselves to start with. There are things people would rather keep private. When they trust you they'll volunteer the information without you having to ask. They'll feel better about this and may feel threatened if you seem to pry too much into their personal life.


Don't hang on if you find out that the person is with someone else, or is just thinking of breaking off a relationship. This is complicated. You don't want to be a participant in this sort of triangle. If the person really likes you backing off will give them a jolt into sorting their situation out first, then coming back to you for a fresh start. Remember you're looking for a serious, long-term relationship with rings, pattering of tiny feet, mortgage - the works. This is certainly not the way to begin your search. If the person doesn't come back count yourself lucky because they were not what you were looking for to start with.


Don't have a blueprint of a perfect person in your head when you start out. Keep in mind that the person in your head is someone you've made up and is not real. Of course, do not compromise your standards on important things like personality traits, but remember that no one can look perfect on the outside. If they do, they certainly won't be looking at mere mortals like us.
Keeping these vital thoughts in your head sets you on the right track to start becoming the person you want to present to your dream mate. Keep solidly in mind that your Miss/Mr Right is also expecting you to be 'perfect' for them.


If you like this article please share it on one of the links below. Thank you.

Share |

The Happy Child Guide

photo credit

I've just come across an amazing parenting guide which I want to share with you, my friends and readers. I know first-hand of many parents who're at their wits end when dealing with unruly or disobedient children. Parents put in all the love and effort into raising happy, healthy well-behaved kids, but sometimes all our hard work can seem to be in vain.

Putting up with years of unwanted behaviour can lead to a very frustrated and bitter parent, and an increasingly badly-behaved offspring. This can even impact negatively on social skills and education. Happy Child Guide - How to Get Any Child To Stop Misbehaviour and Listen takes the parent on a step by step journey to address the root of the problem.

According to this programme, many parents try to address the fruit rather than the root of the problem, giving punishment or rewards for bad/good behaviour when we should be paying attention to the foundation and the causes of bad behaviour. It promises to teach parents how to spot the potential problem areas and arm them with information on how to teach respect - the key to raising a well-behaved child.

According to this programme, many parents encourage bad behaviour in many ways without being aware of it. If this is something that can work for your family, and you think that you and your child can benefit from this guide, Click Here! 

Share |

Change Your Mind To Change Your Weight - Tips That Work

Share |


In my book A Model's Guide To Losing Weight Without Dieting I set out a detailed programme showing you how you can change your mind about your eating habits. This is the key to losing weight and keeping it off. No diet plan will work for a real life change on a long term basis, if the mind is held in a weighted rut. Here I will show you six quick tips on how you can change your mind to change your weight. Do this for three weeks to set the tone. If you find this working for you, you can buy the book and begin the tried and tested weight-changing programme, certain to work for you.

1. Start with a positive, attainable goal. Think of something small like skipping dessert on Wednesdays and Thursdays or not eating anything after 9 pm.


2. Reward yourself. Of course these have to be non-food options. Go for a new pair of earrings at the end of the week once your goal has been achieved. A longer-than-usual shower or bath, or a trip to the cinema can also be fine ways of rewarding yourself.


3. Stop thinking about eating. Every time you find yourself thinking, 'I could really do with a...' stop yourself by drinking a glass of water and retrain your thoughts with, 'Water is a great way of washing unwanted toxins out of my body.' Remember you were responsible for training your thoughts about overeating and only you can retrain them with healthy alternatives. It took you years to improperly train your thoughts about eating, so retraining will take time, but will work.


4. Write down your aims for the next two weeks. Put them in a place that's visible to you every day (like on the kitchen cupboard or fridge). Read them daily to remind yourself what you want to achieve. Put them into practise and watch your lifestyle change slowly.


5. Do not go on a diet. Instead, lighten each portion you eat. No self-punishment means no reason to crave food. If you don't think you're missing something, your body won't know that you are.


6. Be happy without food. Take part in activities which make you happy. These have to be non-food related activities. Train the mind to remember how happiness can be had without having to eat something. 

What You Should Know About Eco Gardening

Share |

photo credit

Gardening is not just about having beautiful plants and flowers, it's also about feeding and taking care of nature, being a part of a wholesome activity and nurturing our local environment. Gardening is used around the world in hospitals to help convalescing patients heal. It's used to calm kids with behavioural problems, and also by individuals for therapeutic purposes. So, not only is it significant for our world, it's also important to us as human beings.

While we work our gardens this summer, how about paying some attention to how green ours really is. Apart from using the right plants for the right conditions, recycling kitchen waste to make compost, and using non-chemicals to control pests, there are a few more things we can do to work with nature to make a greener, more eco friendly garden.

~Encourage birds in your garden. Place bird boxes in private areas of your garden and put out food and water for them. Birds will provide a large amount of droppings for your plants and they'll keep pests at a minimum too. Plant shrubs whose berries they like to eat in the winter when food is scarce and watch the circle of nature build up yearly in your garden space.

~Using pesticides upsets the ecology of your garden. It'll kill beneficial insects too, and not only the ones you want off your plants. Remember that in the circle of life, everything gets eaten by something else. Maintain this balance and nature will take care of itself. Put out cut bamboo (or any other dried stems that have holes in the middle. Beneficial insects like ladybirds (lady bugs) love to nest in these. You can even shop for them online. Aphids on roses can be washed off with a hose pipe or be removed with your fingers.

~Chemicals in your soil will affect your plants as well as your weeds. Try digging up the weeds from their roots if you can, instead of using sprays on them.

~Grow the plants which are native to your local area. These will need less looking after and less water. Besides, you'll never have to change your soil to encourage other (more exotic) plants to grow.

~Make your own compost from your vegetable and fruit scraps from the kitchen. Tissues, old cotton and garden waste are also suitable ingredients for your compost heap.

~Create a heap of dead wood somewhere in your garden for small animals to shelter. Leave a small area of long grass around it if you've got the space. Hedgehogs love these areas and as they feast on snails and slugs, are useful to have around.

~Plant at least one sweet-smelling flower to encourage the bees. They're in decline and need all the help they can get. Bees also like red clover, poppies and foxgloves. These are all easy to grow.

~Use sustainable material for your garden. Go easy on cement and make use of natural materials like wood and stone for example.

~Add some drought resistant plants to the mix, and never use peat.

We can all do our bit to help our environment. Gardening is just one way of putting our stamp on that small bit of the earth we own. What a great way of giving back to nature, a bit of what we've taken from her!

Is He Your Fun Guy Or Fungi?

Share |

So, it’s been years since you got hitched and he’s way past making any effort to keep you interested. While you were dating he was the most fun guy you knew. He swept you off your feet at every half-chance he could mince out of his busy schedule. His smile made even your mum blush. He was special - a catch. You knew that, but most importantly, (Alleluia and bright lights) your friends did too! Now he’s a piece of fungi stuck on your sofa with a whiffy, sticky residue. He does nothing apart from work and eat. He’s growing quite fat and you’re afraid he’s lost his spark. What do you do to turn your mushroom back into your attractive groom?

While nagging has a certain attraction to members of our gender, it’s probably a good idea to give it a pass on this occasion. No amount of nagging will elevate mould to gold. There are however, a few clever tricks that will soon sharp-whip things into shape.

Music

photo credit

Music can serve up instant reminders of past experiences, whether good or bad. Music is like our sense of smell. A light scent of freshly cut grass can immediately take us back to a day in our childhood when we raced around in the back yard, laughing and being sprayed with the garden hose. Choose music you listened to together while you were dating. Did you have party tunes, tracks you sang along to in the car, songs played at your wedding? If you can get them burned onto a CD/MP3 so they play one after the other, this would be ideal. Make sure this music is playing in a different room from the one in which he’s sitting. If he’s stuck to the the couch in the living room, the sounds should be taunting him from the kitchen. Let him hear you singing along, so he could come and find you. When he gets there, this is your big chance to hit the iron while he’s in this mood of youth and good times you’ve created. Reminisce about fitter times and ask him to join a dance class/gym/ or start running with you.

Places

photo credit

Book a table to have lunch/dinner at a place you frequented while you dated. If you can remember what you ordered in the past, order the same thing again. Remind him of something he enjoyed when you ate there the last time. Suggest that he should order it again. Use this time to talk about good times you’ve both allowed yourself to forget. Let nothing about bills, home or kids smuggle into the conversation. This will help him to relive this period of time and long for it again. Everyone yearns for their youth, especially times of happiness when everything in their world was golden. Your conversation should steer his thoughts to nostalgia. When he thinks of the past with desire, he should want to reclaim some of it. This is your chance to make suggestions of changes you want to make in your lives, changes that will bring you at least part way back to where you used to reside.  Do you want to start going out again? Okay, maybe dinner is a bit too expensive for you. How about a bi-weekly lunch date? Spending time eating opposite you even occasionally, will help your toadstool to again become your daddy cool.

Scents

photo credit

Do you remember what scents you wore when your fungi was a fun guy? When you manage to spade him off his butt-shaped dent in the sofa, casually drop into a nearby shop to purchase this scent. The reason he has to be with you is simple. This perfume acquisition is not just a physical gain. It’s representative of the intangible acquirement you wish to make in your relationship. You’re regaining an earlier scent, but most importantly, you’re regaining the loveliness, sweetness, charm and freshness you once had together. Try out lots of scents with him (please use the scent sticks provided and not your wrist, or you’ll lose the spirit of this exercise). You can even get him to try some out. Maybe a scent marketed by a younger, fitter man will needle him into action. He has to feel better to get better. Scents help in this department. When you find the scent you wish to purchase, put it on and ask him if he remembers it.  Use the drive/walk home to talk about what you remember. Wear the scent! Don’t wait for special occasions. If he agreed to go dancing or out to lunch with you, wear the scent to do so.

Dress

photo credit

Hopefully, you’re getting some positive response with the three most powerful ‘call to actions’ above.  If there is some resistance you have to dig deeper, but this may require some painful work on your part.

Resurrect some of the clothes you wore in the past. If they don’t fit properly, stay as far away from them as possible. You don’t want to be compared with your earlier figure if it’s not in your favour.  If your body has changed drastically, you should do something about it. If it’s a hopeless case then you’ll just have to cheat and get a bigger size in something similar to the one he used to love you wearing. Obviously, you’ll say, ‘Do you remember this?’ at which point, he’s supposed to say, ‘Oh, yes! Can’t believe it still fits,’ and so on. Many previously hard-to-budge fungi will turn over a new umbrella if their wife suddenly looks amazing, and they’re still stuck in the damp dirt under some large tree in the woods of their inactivity.  Seeing you look your best will needle him in the eye. It will make him realise what he’s been missing out on and call attention to the shade he’s been living under.

Get your groove back and spur him into responding likewise. Music, dinner, dates, sweetness and fitness have got to come together for an explosive wake-up call.

Friends

Rein some of your friends in to help. Some stains are very tricky to remove, and if you’re finding a hard time bleaching yours off the sofa, reinforcement is what you need.  Friends can encourage your fungi to spring into action by inviting both of you out. If they are friends he respects, ask their help to get him going. However, you have got to be the propeller behind the action. Friends can only validate your cause, they can’t fight them. Once all of the above have been conquered, you’re ready to rope in your peeps and get your gig on the road.  Good luck!

 Let me know how you fare.


Trim it down to size with a light bulb