Relationship Help Forum: Dumped And Pregnant

Another instalment of our regular relationship help forum stories. All of these are real relationship crises being faced by women out there. Of course, the names and identifiable details have all been changed to protect their privacy. You can find other true relationship stories like this one on our forum page. Here's Celia's (not her real name) story.

Hey, my name is Celia and I’m going through a really hard time trying to stop thinking about my ex.
He has hurt me so many times I can’t even count, but I’ve always tried to ignore it or believe his lies because he was my first love. We have been together since 10th grade and we’re both now 20 years old.

I’ve now had to give up on him because he’s meet someone new. Regardless of all the tears I’ve cried and all the nights I spent pacing back and forth to try to understand, I just can’t get through to him.
I’m hurting so badly and right now I’m pregnant. I’m due in a couple of months and this is just really taking a lot out of me. I don’t want to be alone and I sure don’t want to be without him. But all I can do is try to move on, because love shouldn’t hurt.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I just felt like I needed to get it out one way or another.

Relationship help forum: dumped and pregnant - reply

Dear Celia,
There is one thing about your message that was very striking. You said that you ignored his bad treatment of you and believed his lies because he was your first love. I’m sorry, but I’ve tried hard to understand this, but couldn’t. Is it okay to let someone who doesn’t love you hurt you and lie to you just because he happened to be the first person you loved?

Wasted years, wasted relationship

I suppose you already know that you’ve wasted years of your precious, young life on this man who has obviously been very bad for you from the start (he made you less confident in yourself). You’ve got to make up your mind that you’re worth so much more. You seem scared of being alone, but this isn’t going to be the case for very long. You’ll soon have a baby to look after. Spend your energies with this child and raise them to believe that they’re worth more, and to expect more in their lives. Remember that you can still feel very alone if you’re with someone who doesn’t support you. This is the worst kind of loneliness.

You’re right that love shouldn’t hurt. The pain you’re feeling is not love. It’s anger at yourself for staying with him until he abandoned you and your child, when you knew from the start that he would act this selfishly. You’re feeling let down and sore from putting yourself through unnecessary troubles for years. This is only natural for someone in your circumstances.

The future beckons while life goes on

You have to look to the future, but I suspect you know this now. Don’t go back to him now because after committing a crime on yourself for staying so long, you are now going to commit an unforgivable abuse on your child by subjecting him/her to the life you’ve chosen to live with this man. Please do not do it.

The hard part (emotionally speaking) is coming to an end now he’s finally left. Find support in your friends and family and bring up your child in a loving, supportive environment.  You can finally be strong – if not for yourself, for your unborn child growing inside you!

Thank you for reading and sharing, 'Relationship Help Forum: Dumped And Pregnant'. If you have anything to add, please use the comment section below. Thank you.


Harleena Singh August 5, 2013 at 1:55 PM  

Hi Anne,

Wise advice as always :)

Yes, she is broken and sad, and it's natural to feel the way she is feeling because of the long time she knew this person. I'm sure she didn't know this was coming, or else she might have tried to avoid the pregnancy.

Sometimes a guy tends to lead you to the garden path because they see you are pregnant, which might not be what they want or like. Nevertheless, nothing can be done about what has happened already. She has to think about her child and her life, and move one.

Yes, it will hurt a little initially, but with time, everything does heal and get better.

Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead :)

Anne Lyken-Garner August 5, 2013 at 2:21 PM  

Thanks for your input, Harleena. As you rightly said, time does heal all pain.

I have to disagree with you where it concerns him leaving. His reputation from the beginning spelt trouble. I think *Celia suspected that it won't last because of this. Perhaps she thought that something like a pregnancy would make the relationship better. Instead, it sent him running faster.

Men like the one in this story usually act in one way: they use, abuse, then desert.

Jeremy Norton August 14, 2013 at 7:07 AM  

Hi Anne,

I truly feel for Celia. She did wasted many years of her life with the wrong man. I hope she stays strong especially for the baby.

Anne Lyken-Garner is a published author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here.
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