Relationship Help Forum: Dumped And Pregnant

Another instalment of our regular relationship help forum stories. All of these are real relationship crises being faced by women out there. Of course, the names and identifiable details have all been changed to protect their privacy. You can find other true relationship stories like this one on our forum page. Here's Celia's (not her real name) story.

Hey, my name is Celia and I’m going through a really hard time trying to stop thinking about my ex.

He has hurt me so many times I can’t even count, but I’ve always tried to ignore it or believe his lies because he was my first love. We have been together since 10th grade and we’re both now 20 years old.

I’ve now had to give up on him because he’s meet someone new. Regardless of all the tears I’ve cried and all the nights I spent pacing back and forth to try to understand, I just can’t get through to him.

I’m hurting so badly and right now I’m pregnant. I’m due in a couple of months and this is just really taking a lot out of me. I don’t want to be alone and I sure don’t want to be without him. But all I can do is try to move on, because love shouldn’t hurt.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I just felt like I needed to get it out one way or another.

Relationship help forum: dumped and pregnant - reply

Dear Celia,

There is one thing about your message that was very striking. You said that you ignored his bad treatment of you and believed his lies because he was your first love. I’m sorry, but I’ve tried hard to understand this, but couldn’t. Is it okay to let someone who doesn’t love you hurt you and lie to you just because he happened to be the first person you loved?

Wasted years, wasted relationship

I suppose you already know that you’ve wasted years of your precious, young life on this man who has obviously been very bad for you from the start (he made you less confident in yourself). You’ve got to make up your mind that you’re worth so much more. You seem scared of being alone, but this isn’t going to be the case for very long. You’ll soon have a baby to look after. Spend your energies with this child and raise them to believe that they’re worth more, and to expect more in their lives. Remember that you can still feel very alone if you’re with someone who doesn’t support you. This is the worst kind of loneliness.

You’re right that love shouldn’t hurt. The pain you’re feeling is not love. It’s anger at yourself for staying with him until he abandoned you and your child, when you knew from the start that he would act this selfishly. You’re feeling let down and sore from putting yourself through unnecessary troubles for years. This is only natural for someone in your circumstances.

The future beckons while life goes on

You have to look to the future, but I suspect you know this now. Don’t go back to him now because after committing a crime on yourself for staying so long, you are now going to commit an unforgivable abuse on your child by subjecting him/her to the life you’ve chosen to live with this man. Please do not do it.

The hard part (emotionally speaking) is coming to an end now he’s finally left. Find support in your friends and family and bring up your child in a loving, supportive environment.  You can finally be strong – if not for yourself, for your unborn child growing inside you!

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