Relationship Forum: Lost Love

Relationship forum is a regular item run by this site to give some relationship help to women in general. The relationship forum element of this blog is taken from my advice column (edited, with all the identifiable details changed, of course). It sets out to address some of the more general problems faced by women who've been mistreated by their partners, and those unlucky in love. I hope that by highlighting individual stories, I can help more people in similar situations. 

Have a look at the previous relationship forums on this blog here:
Confidence to stay away
Relationship has left a hole in your life
Feeling destroyed at the end of the relationship
Finding him, only to lose him

Relationship forum: Here is 'Mary's' story of lost love

Lost love just before wedding day

Dear Anne, I am going through an extremely hard break up. I’m older have already been through a divorce, but this is worse. We were engaged to be married later this year, but he broke up with me three months before our wedding day. I really didn’t understand why. I have asked him to explain and he said I pushed him away. I guess there may have been times that I didn’t show him the attention I should have but I work full time while raising my kids.

Feelings of depression

At times I feel a little overwhelmed and want to go into hiding. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have apologised and told him I would try harder to be more aware and not push him away. He said at this time he needed to concentrate on himself and he could only be a friend. He did say that maybe after he works on himself, things could change. I so want to hang on because I feel like we’re supposed to be together. I’m a religious person and pray about it. I hold onto the hope that it’ll work out.

Help!  Am I just grasping at straws? When I try to think of bad things about the relationship I have a hard time thinking of any.

My reply to ‘Mary’

Past mistakes in love

I can understand why it hurts so much. You felt like you had a second chance at happiness with a life partner, and determined to make this one work. When that didn't happen it almost crushed you. As the (supposed) wedding date gets closer, your pain - instead of waning, grows even more intense.

Maybe it was your inner turmoil of being scared you were going to make the same mistakes as your first marriage, that led you to push him away. While there may be an element of truth in this, it sounds as though your fiancé was partly to blame as well. It appears as though he is also unsure this will work.

The only thing I can say is that (and you won’t agree) it may be a good thing the split happened now and not after you were married. Being twice divorced would’ve only left you more wounded, and would’ve negatively affected your self-esteem.

Difficult to let love go

There doesn’t seem to be much you can do about getting him back. The most important thing now is to focus your time and effort into reassuring your kids. Remember that this break-up is affecting them maybe as much as it has affected you. They’ll try to hide their pain because they do not want to place even more pressure on you than you already have. So talk to them and reassure them that relationships can and do work. The last thing you want is for them to grow up with unresolved issues about relationships because you were too buried in your agony to help them through theirs.

You’re suffering I know, but your focus on healing them will take your mind off your pain, especially at this time when you should’ve been preparing to become a new bride.

Take stock of what love has left you

After this desperate period is over, take stock of what is left of the relationship. If it cannot be restored, determine to move on. You’ve been strong enough to do it once and you can draw wisdom from that episode to do it again. You’ll feel alone, so once the kids are okay, gather your friends and family around you and rebuild.

There isn’t time to run after this man, let go of him. I’m assuming he’s older, so if he loves you, he’ll know that he’s got to come running back soon or you’ll be gone. Tell him you’re stepping away and really do so. If he doesn’t come back build your strength and leave him alone. You found him, so you can and will find another.

The bottom line is that your kids have to be comforted and reassured. This break-up could’ve left them thinking it was their fault. But of course, you wouldn’t know this until you really sit down, take time off, and speak with them.

Sometimes relationships aren't meant to be

Find calm, find peace. When you pray, stop asking to be reunited with this man and instead, ask God to give you the peace to let go. Always remember that as a Father, God sometimes answers ‘NO’ to our prayers when He knows something isn’t good for us. It’s only natural for a parent to do this. If your child asked you for a weapon what would your answer be?

Maybe God has already given you his answer…

Conclusion - relationship forum: lost love

If you've been affected by similar circumstances, please feel free to send me an email from my contact page or in the comments below. Also, if you know anyone who will benefit from this piece, send it to them by email or share it on your favourite networking sites. As always, thank you for visiting The Relationship Blog. Have a look at the rest of the stories in the relationship forum series. They're linked above.

Relationship Help Forum: Find Your Love, Lose Your Love

This blog is affiliated to a relationship forum that has helped a lot of women stand on their own two feet where their relationships are concerned. Every couple of months (or so) we feature another real relationship crisis and its solution to help you with your love life. Of course, all names and identifiable details are changed to protect identities. Here’s *Kathy’s story. Have you had a similar 'find your love' experience?

She found her love relationship

I’m really young, but for some stupid reason seem to have met the love of my life early – in high school. Although, this year, we haven’t officially “gone out”, we’ve been extremely close and I realised about 6 months ago that I was completely and utterly in love with him. At the time this came as a happy realisation, and I thought – because of the things he said and did – that he felt the same way about me.

He had another love relationship

However, I then found out, not directly from him, that he “liked” another girl. I was very confused by this and asked him if it was true. He only admitted that it was, the third time I asked. Apparently he was torn, and could not choose between the two of us. Naturally, my heart was bruised by this severely. I got advice from friends to go for it and snatch him before the other girl did, but attempting this only got me more wound up in the whole matter and more in love. Later I saw her texts on his phone, and then saw them at several different events flirting and kissing passionately. My heart was crushed.

Handling Your In-Laws Over The Holidays

There’s no denying that the holiday season, while appealing in many ways, can also be a major cause of stress.  The prospect of seeing loved ones you've long been separated from, eating amazing food, giving and receiving gifts, and enjoying all of the traditions of the season is something most of us look forward to all year.  What we don’t relish is the pressure to buy, the tense crowds of eager shoppers, and the abundant preparation that goes into every detail, from travel arrangements to cooking for a crowd to the presentation of gifts.  And for many of us, there is a sinking feeling associated with the time we must spend with our crazy in-laws.

Why you dread spending the holidays dealing with your in-laws

Don’t think you’re alone in this sentiment.  It should come as no surprise that you’d rather spend family holidays with your own family, where you feel comfortable and relaxed.  It’s difficult to interlope into someone else’s traditions.  You’re outnumbered and expectations are high; basically it’s a recipe for disaster and yet, you’re being called upon to perform.  And it can be even worse if you don’t get along with your in-laws particularly well.  But there are definitely ways to dispel some of the tension, get them to behave, and make interactions with your in-laws smoother.

Love Quotes From Celebrities

Love quotes aren't what they used to be. They used to be cute and soft, and sprinkled with silver from the clouds. Nowadays love quotes can be cold, hard facts (and frankly, sometimes gibberish), uttered in desperation from someone who hasn't yet found THE ONE.


Below are some love quotes from celebrities and other famous people. You may want to copy and use them on your loved ones, but somehow I get the feeling you wouldn't be using many of them. Here goes!
Disclaimer: many of these love quotes are paraphrased and/or shortened. None of them have been changed. Also, the celebrities have been put in the group which defines what they're most famous for doing.