If A Man Ruled The World

A humorous look at what a man might do if he had power over how the world was run. 

Women would all be supermodels, yet they would miraculously find the time to fly home every evening, make him a feast for dinner, put the washing in, and clean the house.

Women would be born with a bottle opener and a beer-size chill bag.

Belching and passing wind would be televised competitive sports.

You could break up with your girlfriend by text messaging.

Chatting up and good conversation would mean clicking a finger and saying “GeedeUp!”.

Wining and dining would become wining and, “Got any change for the pizza boy’s tip, baby?”

Sweat would be bottled as perfume. 

Women would come equipped with directions and maps to everywhere so they’d shut up about stopping and asking for directions already.

Women would just shut up, period.

Women would come with remotes with a large “mute” button.

Women would then be taught to press their own “mute” buttons.

Women would think that rubbish jokes were the best thing since sliced bread.

Women would forget all rubbish jokes instantly, and think that they're the best thing since slice bread when they hear them all over again.

Women would be sliced bread.

Beer would come in barrels instead of bottles.

Wigs would come in man size and look like real hair.

Comb-overs would be the cutting edge of fashion.

Women would be allergic to all the flowers on God’s earth.

Cubic Zirconium would be a girl’s best friend.

Tech toys would come as standard with the new computer.

Foreplay is what your wife does when she puts out the beer and the food tray for you just before the big game.

There is an option on all cable and satellite stations to have a third of the screen showing games from the Sports Channel at all times.

The standard position for toilet seats is 'up'. 

Taking out the garbage is done by tiny little elephants with vacuum cleaners for trunks.

Being a sensitive man means you’re allergic to dust, cleaning agents, washing-up liquid, washing powder, baby drool and ironing boards.

Giving your wife a hand consists of a pat on her posterior.

A washboard tummy is achieved by contracting belly muscles to let out wind.

A six-pack is entirely liquid.

Encouragement is shouting, “Come on, you moron!” at the TV screen.

GSOH is “Great! She’s out Of the House.”

Cleaning is what?

Drinking with friends ordered by law.

Women would still always be right. That way, he doesn't have to take any responsibility for when things go wrong.

You know I'm only kidding, right? 

Anne Lyken-Garner is a published, author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here: http://getconfidence.net/annes-memoir/


Haddock June 19, 2012 at 12:06 AM  

Just imagine... if this really happened :-)

Anne Lyken-Garner is a published author, editor and freelance writer. Her specialities include relationships and confidence building. You can find her inspirational memoir here.
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